Following on from my declaration of war against the daisies in the lawn, a second offensive against Mother Nature has begun here at Tangerine Towers. ‘Tis nearly summer time (although you wouldn’t believe it if you looked out the window) which means that the ants have returned… I opened a kitchen cupboard yesterday morning to find some honey to put on my porridge to find that literally six million of them had infested the honey jar.
There is no way I could live in a tropical country. As a child I spent a couple of years in Hong Kong and where you’ll find a large assortment of bizarre creepy crawlies. There were spiders the size of a grown man’s hand, all sorts of multicoloured beetles, moths as big as dinner plates and little lizards called chitchats that crawled all over the walls, none of which caused me undue distress if I remember rightly. Fortunately we lived in a brand new block of flats and the cockroaches, which would have freaked me out, hadn’t yet moved in (we used to keep upturned saucers over all the drains so that they couldn’t climb up them into the flat).
These days however I like to live in an insect and arachnid free environment. I don’t mind them in the garden but HATE them in the house and will be found shuddering and muttering “Ewwwww!” when I find ants in large numbers in the kitchen. Kev has been sent on a mission to B&Q for ant powder and seeing as it isn’t raining today I am going to KILL THE LITTLE CRAWLY BASTARDS. Ha. That’ll teach ya to pinch my honey.
Oh, and did you know that if you squish an ant just right you can squish them right in half?
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